So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
