$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am one with the molecules
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize