im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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