Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This toilet bowl is my home.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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