Screwed.edu
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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