Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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