I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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