fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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