Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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