He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Please, let me fuck your mom
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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