After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
