So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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