can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
