Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
