Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This baby is an asshole
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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