for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
