i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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