It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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