We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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