Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
