Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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