and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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