I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
