I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
