he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
