Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you traded sex for a burrito?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
