I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
