Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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