i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
