also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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