It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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