Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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