Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
