I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
