I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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