dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
