it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
