hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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