Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
