How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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