I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
