Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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