i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
