he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
