Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
