he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
