This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
