Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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