So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
