everyone is single if you try hard enough
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
