i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
