i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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