she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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