I just threw up on my dentist
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
