I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
