Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
