I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
