Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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