We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
