HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
