I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
