I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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