Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
