her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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