Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We smell like vodka and hangover
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