this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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