Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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