OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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