dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
