i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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