you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
