some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
