It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Operation Purity has been aborted
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
