i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
