Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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