tell your sister to shave her snatch
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
