Is it because I queefed?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
