A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize