No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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