If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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