Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize