I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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