I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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