I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
