there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
